A Short Visit to Thailand

Last week, I took family leave from work and went to Thailand to see my mom, as well as my dad and older brother who are taking care of her.  It was a short trip, 6 days total, so only really 4 days with all the traveling involved.  It was difficult as she is not doing well but it was good to see her and also spend time with my brother and dad.  

My mom's dementia is pretty bad now.  She's young for it actually, not even quite 75 yet but it's really debilitated her.  Maybe 10 years ago, she was just a bit slower than normal and would sometimes have some confused thoughts.  Even 5 years ago, she was still here in the US with us and could do mostly everything, just forgetful occasionally.  We still are grateful that we have pictures of her with all the kids and we got to spend that time with her.  After that her declined accelerated and she began to have more hallucinations and delusions.  Eventually, she stopped speaking English and we felt that she was becoming unsafe here by herself.  She also wanted to go back to Thailand so, eventually, we helped her  return there to live with my dad.  She improved for some time then, as people with dementia often do when surrounded by their family and more familiar surroundings, and when we went to visit in 2019, she was still able to travel and see us in Bangkok.  Then the pandemic hit and she really worsened with the lack of social contact, daily exercise and regular routine.  She became much less mobile and spoke and interacted much less.  We weren't able to visit her again until April of 2022 and she was already quite bad then though my dad was still managing to take care of her at home.  In October of 2022, she got pneumonia and had to go into the hospital and it made her so weak that she couldn't return home.  She stayed at a long term care portion of the hospital and has been there since.  It was hard to see her in such poor health, she isn't able to communicate much so it's unclear how much she understands or feels.  We're just trying to keep her as comfortable as possible during this time.

She is awake here but much of her day is spent sleeping

My dad had an old picture of my mom and us from before we came to the US.  My mom was 38 when she moved across the world with three kids, a few hundred dollars and a couple of suitcases.  Since then she's worked many different jobs, owned a restaurant and raised three successful kids with six grand children.  I think she would be pretty proud.

Which one is me?

I went on this trip myself as the kids were in school and we all just went together to Thailand last April.  It's odd traveling alone but I spent a lot of time with my brother, Joe, and it was nice to connect with him.  We haven't had a chance to spend so much time together without the kids or family as distraction, for a long long time.  My dad, on the other hand, is more magnified than before, like his essence is more concentrated as he gets older.  He's almost 80 and is more impatient and intolerant of others than ever.  It's clear that he loves my mom so that's a blessing.  

Pocket ninja :)

The plane ride was long and I didn't sleep super well.  My legs and feet kept feeling achy, I think, because they are just slightly swollen from sitting for so long.  That's what happens as you get older :p  The flight took off at midnight from SFO, 10 hours to Taipei, a quick rush through the airport because of a delay, 5 hours to Chiang Mai and I landed at 12 noon where my dad and brother picked me up.  It was nice to walk around after all that time and I adjusted pretty quickly. 

The Maya Mall and Chinese New Year celebration

Food court on 4th floor of Maya

$1 boba!  I know it's not good for you but I had one
daily during the trip :p

The food in Thailand was awesome.  So cheap and so tasty.  My dad kept saying how this particular stall or restaurant was too expensive or that there was a better place somewhere else for this type of food but honestly, I thought it was all great.  Maybe if I was there longer I would be more discerning but it was amazing to walk down to street and find food wherever you went.  Some rice here, some noodles there, a bit of fried or grilled meat and you'd have a whole meal.  My dad did run out to the market one morning and got some really great food (pictured below).  Starting in the lower left, there's sticky rice, chicharones, crispy sweet noodles, friend fish/port/sausage, hung lay curry, various ground chillies + peppers.  

Probably the best meal I had there.  Cost ~$5

We traveled around in the back of red pickup trucks which act like taxis in Chiang Mai.  

Don't fall out the back, pocket ninja..

We also went to several night markets during the evenings when my mom was asleep.  When we were last here in April, Chiang Mai was very quiet and empty because of COVID.  Now, the tourists are back in force and this is even without the Chinese tourists who are just beginning to travel again.  This is good for the economy which has been suffering quite a bit over the last couple of years.  Souvenir shops and stalls were opened everywhere and the crowds were thick in the markets, a return to more normal times. 

Night market near Chinatown

I left after four days there, which was just enough time.  I think it'll be a little while before we go back to Thailand.  When my mom does pass away, I hope my dad does ok.  While we do have our differences and disagreements, I wish him the best and happiness in what he wants to do.  Joe is ready to go home as well as after two months of being away from his family so I wish him safe travels as he returns.

I'll leave you today with a little souvenir I got from Thailand.  It's just a little elephant I got as a desk decoration.  It was $10 which is a lot for anything there but honestly, it's very little for me and I know the people there could certainly use the money.  I love the colors and patterns on it :)

Little Moments 2023

 Not too much happening around here the last two weeks.  Mostly just the little moments of life to kick off the new year.  Amy and I are both working on our resolutions to take care of ourselves and be better parents.  

It's been raining quite a bit here, which is good overall, but it's putting a strain on our drainage systems and hillsides.  The creek is now a roaring river and carrying trees, rocks and debris all over.  The spot where we usually hang out is under water and there's a whole tree that got carried down and is now stuck there (Kegan is standing on the moored trunk below).   

Uncle Kegan not setting a good example :D

Kegan grew up burning his Christmas trees in Hawaii so this year, he did the same here.  The kids had a great time chopping up the branches and throwing them in to the solo stove.

That's quite a fire!

Our small group continues to meet at our house for dinners every few Fridays.  Even though it looks like a bomb of toys went off in our living room by the night's end, it's great to have everyone together to share a meal and fellowship.

Giant pot of spaghetti for the win

Amy and I have been busy, especially as I prep to go to Thailand for about a week, but we did manage to sneak out to one lunch date.  Taiwanese breakfast is all carbs but it sure is tasty!

I'm very lucky to have her

David also came over one day last week and baked some banana walnut cake with the kids.  David is very precise with his recipes and preparation (basically, the total opposite of me) and does an amazing job.  He's a great uncle and we're lucky he's close by.

Getting fancy with the measuring and all that :p

With the rain making us all lazy homebodies and vacations as well, art has been on hold that last few weeks but we got together again last week and Kendra had the idea to make playdoh!  It was a lot of fun and messy but the kids had a great time.  We ended up making more than 10 lbs of the stuff :)

A messy good time

I've been trying hard to enjoy the moments at home with the kids.  It's hard because Amy and I are usually already tired from one of us working that we don't always have the energy for the kids but we also know that they aren't going to be like this forever so have to keep working on enjoying the little moments we can grab with them when we mean so much to them.  

Family game night

Sesame has made himself at home in our house, especially as it has been quite wet out.  He's learned to use the litter box, not scratch anything and sleep on the couch most of the time.  The only time he's a nuisance is at ~6am when he starts meowing to be let out or have food.  We are trying our best to train him but mostly he's a good kitty.  The kids, especially Sora, are very happy to have him around.  Surprisingly, our allergies have been very mild.  Perhaps it was meant to be...

Lastly, I'm heading out to Thailand tomorrow for 6 days to see my mom before she worsens.  She has actually done better since being placed on palliative care a few weeks ago though overall remains very unwell.  The morphine seems to be making her more comfortable and she was drinking a bit more.  She is a little bit worse this week according to my older brother so I am glad that I can go see her.  I am sure Amy will be okay with the kids for this time as she is a better parent than I am.  I hope for safe travels and a meaningful time there with my mom, as well as my dad and older brother.

I'll leave you this time with Jad break dancing.  The Connicks asked us for an impromptu dance party yesterday and the kids were mostly loving it.  Kai is not as comfortable dancing and he can see that he is trying his best and wants to get attention by doing other things like chasing or being playful with the other kids.  Sora and Jad are both much more comfortable dancing in a crowd.  Jad has got some serious moves actually considering neither Amy or I have taught him any dancing moves.  1 day, we will have to get him into a hip pop dance class.

Hard to capture but he's spinning on
the grass here.  That's Kazy next to him.  Bboyz RCC!!

End-of-year Field trips // RCC holiday party // Christmas!! // Christmas in the Park // LSCC Snow trip 2022 and NYE // Our Cat

 Happy New Year, all!  We wrapped up the last days of 2022 with a couple field trips, some low key activities and a trip to Tahoe with our church.  Good times!

The school year finished up strong with events for both Kai and Sora.  I'm glad they like Noble and have made some good friends there.  It's certainly not a fancy school but I hope that our kids find their place and enjoy the experience.

Sora had a class potluck party.. thank goodness
the days of pandemic-no-sharing-touching are behind us

Amy chaperoned Kai's class on their field trip to the Monterey Bay Aquarium.  It was their big trip for the year (as Kai is no longer in PPP so doesn't get as many events) so I am glad he got to go as he had a mild illness a couple days before. 

Kai really enjoyed touching the rays

The Open Ocean tank is always amazing

We had our neighborhood Xmas party with many of the other parents in our neighborhood.  We had a white elephant gift exchange as well but for "no price", so basically, just looking around the house for things we weren't using and then wrapping it up.  The items ranged from a used candle to a UV phone sanitizer to Japanese Pokemon cards.  Lots of fun..

Kegan got a magnetic dart board!

Kids got to play video games..

.. while adults talked and finished our advent leftovers

We had dinner with Amy's parents, David and Sunny's family on Christmas Eve which was very nice.  The kids went to sleep late (Sora has been having trouble falling asleep especially) and woke up to presents under the tree.  We (and Santa) didn't go all out this year but between the white elephant, grandparents and friends, they still got plenty of loot.  

Christmas morning (before I went off to work :p)

Lots of Pokemon cards (thanks largely
to our neighbor David!)

That week, Amy also got in a hike up to Mission peak.

Amazing that some people carry a tree up there
every year

We and the Connicks also made Oreo cookie scenes (in lieu of gingerbread houses)!

Definitely tastier than gingerbread houses

I had to work a lot while the kids were off school (sigh, the life of an ER doctor) in trade for getting the weekend off to go to on the snow trip but it was mostly ok.  Amy did take the kids up to the Academy of Sciences with Dali and the Kongs.  

Fun times with friends

and we still made it to Christmas in the Park this year.  The best part was when we saw the Toyon Elementary tree and then found Jad's decoration that he made right on it :) 

Christmas in the Park at dusk

Jad and the Toyon tree

After a long week of work, we packed on Wednesday (last minute as usual) and set off on Thursday morning for Tahoe with the LSCC folks.  We were lucky (blessed?) to have a good drive there with clear roads, even though it has been raining here all week.  We got to play in the snow for a bit that evening but Friday was mostly raining so we huddled in doors.  The kids ran around and also played a lot of video games.  Saturday night, the dump started and we woke up to fresh snow on the ground so we went sledding that day with the church folks.  In total there was about 20 inches of snow that day which was more than we've ever seen in one day.  The power to the conference center went out twice and, for a bit, we wondered if we'd have heating for Saturday night but thankfully, it got resolved by nightfall.  Sunday, things cleared up and, after digging our car out, we were able to drive home without much trouble, even the chains didn't cause much of issue this time.  The only downside to the trip was that the Shaws got sick and couldn't make it so Evelyn and William couldn't come.  A great trip otherwise!

A rainy-snowy drive to the mountains

I helped the kids build a snow fort but it
melted in the night

Kai was always with Niko or Brandon,
whether inside or outside

Sora was always with Noe and Jad most of the time

There was a lot of video games this trip,
especially with all the indoor time

Kids ate on their own for much of the trip
though Jad still needed lots of encouragement

Jad made friends with a new kid, Lukas,
but still played with Jubilee and others

Woke up to snowfall on Saturday morning

Do you wanna build a snowman?

Jad and Sora at the top of the sledding hill

On Friday, the power went out for a couple hours and then again on Saturday for about 4 hours.  We were pretty well prepared with food and, even if the heat had been off, probably would have been ok through the night.  The kids had a blast running around in the dark and someone had brought some glow sticks so that was a lucky break.  I had to make sure the little kids all were carrying glow sticks so the teens wouldn't crash into them in the dark.

The camera exposure makes it seems bright
but it was actually pretty dark

Adults hunkered down in the main room with puzzles,
board games, food and drink :)

Our car was totally buried in the snow!  The other dads and I dug out all the cars in the lot (exhausting!) but it was a bonding experience.  I sure don't miss living where it snows :p

Lucky, Amy thought to put the
windshield wipers up before they froze

The car had a snow hat for much of
the uneventful drive home

While we were gone, it rained a lot in San Jose as well and the normal trickle of Penetencia Creek became a roaring river.  It stopped just short of overflowing the banks.  Lots of rain is good for the drought, maybe just not all at once..  We still have another week of rain ahead though.

It almost came over the Noble Bridge

Lastly, we found Sesame at home when we arrived.  He came running when Sora called, probably hungry for his dinner.  Today, Amy brought him to the vet and he got neutered and chipped.  I guess he's officially our cat now.  

Making himself at home

Happy New Year, everyone!  May 2023 be full of joy and blessing :)

Pets // Sick Kids // Christmas Lights // Nik's mom

Happy holidays, everyone!  Not too much has happened in our household that last two weeks but generally just weathering through December.  It has been cold with a little bit of rain here and there.  We've all dug out our heavier jackets and sherpa pants the last few weeks.

We've had a couple mini additions to our household!  First, we got a new betta fish to add to our aquarium along with three more neon tetras.  Amy and the kids had gone to Petsmart to get the tetras to create a bigger school but then they saw the bettas looking so pathetic in their little cups on display and had to rescue one.  There were ones that were more colorful but Amy chose one of the ones that had been in its cup the longest (almost a couple months) to save it.  Luckily, it seems to be getting along well with our other fish and there isn't too much fighting.

It's gotten more color back into its fins
after getting out of that little cup

Second, we've almost fully adopted Sesame.  He often comes into the house now and prowls around.  Vic has been instrumental in giving us scratching posts/boards, blankets, catnip and treats so we're very thankful to her.  She even gave us a collar that I slipped onto him.  We have to watch him in the house as he still attempts to scratch the couch but he's slowly getting better.  He has also scratched at the kids a couple of times but that may be partly their fault as they may not be approaching him correctly.

Lounging inside

I'm surprised that he allows us to pick
him up so easily

Sleeping in his carrier outside.  We're tempted
to bring him in but don't trust him fully yet..

The kids have also gotten a couple mild illnesses.  First it was Kai with one day of fever and missed one day of school.  Then Jad was sick for one day last week with fever and diarrhea and missed three days of school.  Then Kai was sick again for one day this week and stayed home for one day.  Sora was like, "how come I'm the only one who doesn't get to stay home?" :)  Fingers crossed, no major illnesses yet or anything lasting really long.

Amy went on a walk with Kai at Alum Rock

My day with Jad while he was climbing 
a fallen tree near the creek

Of course, Christmas season is upon us.  We managed to send out all of our Xmas cards early this year (way to go, Amy!)  We went out this week to look at the lights in Willow Glen so that was fun, if cold :)  We also had a nice Christmas party with our small group and did a little white elephant gift exchange for the kids where almost everyone got the present they wanted..

Our holiday card this year 
w/ a high tech QR code 

Willow Glen Christmas Arches

White elephant with the small group!

..Sydney had gotten the plasma globe initially but it was stolen from her so she was rather sad.  Ethan also got a pop-it thing which was he was probably too old for so we ran back out to Marshalls and got two more plasma globes for both of them.  At $12 each, they were a good deal and little effort to make their days. 

Sydney with her plasma globe

Lastly and most significantly, over the last two weeks my mom (Nik's) has continued to decline.  Joe got there in early December and he felt that she was suffering.  After a long talk with my dad and some difficult consideration, they decided to move my mom to full comfort care.  I had a very difficult time trying to figure out if I needed to be there before she passed but eventually decided that it was too hard to make it there on such short notice.  Over the last week, she has only been getting liquid nutrition by mouth and morphine for pain when she seems uncomfortable.  It's immensely hard to bear that we are not doing anything while she is dying but it's clear that she will not get better from here so we're rather she pass away naturally instead of prolonging her suffering.  I am planning to go there in January for a week whatever happens.  It's hard for me to see my mom this way so here are a few pictures of her from happier times when she was with us.

June 2018, my mom jumped in when she
saw Amy taking a picture of all three kids

July 2019 when Chris and I were able to visit Thailand

July 2015 when we were lucky enough to take my mom to Greece..
her first time in Europe

Sep 2013 The Grandparents at Kai's red egg

2016 maybe, I love this picture of my mom and Chris..
She looks genuinely happy

1978?  I was less than a year for sure in this picture with my mom
and Joe.  Yes, I was born on a pig farm

There's a complex mix of emotions currently. love, regret, longing, joy, guilt, sadness..  She never thought there was anything after death, just that you go away.  Hopefully she is comfortable at the end and then goes to sleep peacefully.

To not finish things on too sad a note, I'll leave a pic of the kids here on their way home from school with their friends.  Til next time!

After the rain, often there's a rainbow